Lord Remember Me
by restive
Summary: Derek was perfectly happy with his unbearably difficult life, just as long as it meant he stayed close to the most important people in his life – the BAU team and mostly Garcia. But one day everything changed.


I own nothing and get nothing out of publishing this story. There is just my uncoditional love for Morcia.

* * *

 _ **When these chains get broken**_

 _ **Set my spirit free**_

 _ **Oh Lord, remember me**_

Life of the Behavioral Analysis Unit agents was never easy. Profession like that demanded complete focus, bringing one disappointment after another and taking away all the free time, let alone any adequate relationships with blood relatives (eventually, the team became the only real family they had, spending 90 percent of their time together). The only thing that brought relief was the _euphoric_ feeling of pride in self-professionalism and belief in some sort of justice in this world. This feeling would become their drug, and they would be ready to spend years chasing criminals, seek for abducted kids for days, without as much as one minute of sleep, and never be afraid to risk their lives for another. All just to feel it once more. All for the sight of bright smiles and tears of happiness on victim's parents' faces, while the BAU would just quietly pack their things and leave, never expecting any gratitude in return. Their job was their calling, and to that, they were happy to dedicate their lives.

However, it was different with Garcia. She was the only one who did not believe in original sin nor pure evil – _darkness_ , that surrounded the team day after day. Sometimes it seemed she could not take her rose-colored glasses off even if she wanted to, and Derek often thought that was a reason why the two of them clicked in the first place. In a sense, they were similar and opposite at the same time – Derek was a mature realist with such complicated past, that it led him to become an FBI agent, and Penelope was a dreamer surrounded by her colorful little animals to make sure she does not forget who she really was. She could see beauty in everything around. Naturally, the main thing that united them was their sense of humour, and their constant banter became another drug for Derek, making him worried every time he didn't hear her throw a sassy comment at him. At that time Morgan was absolutely sure of who he was, and if you asked him how he saw himself in ten years, his reply would definitely be 'a BAU agent'. He was perfectly happy with his unbearably difficult life, just as long as it meant he stayed close to the most important people in his life – the BAU team and mostly Garcia. She was truly his God-given solace. And that's how it was. _Until everything changed_.

One night Derek returned home late after solving another case and discovered Savannah awake in the kitchen with untouched cup of coffee. The nervous look on her face told Morgan not to expect anything good. Well, that depended on the way to look at it. Savannah was pregnant and she wanted to live a normal family life, which was obviously impossible due to their lifestyles. She issued him an ultimatum: moving to West Coast, with her starting general practice and Morgan relocating, or abortion.

Surely, Derek had to make tons of tough decisions, especially at work, but in the end he was sure he made the right one. This time he felt like either outcome would make him equally miserable in the end. Was he to sacrifice his job to his family, or his family to his job? It was a good question.

He spent next week contemplating it over and over again, and then quit BAU.

The newly created Morgan family moved to Phoenix, where all Savannah's dreams came true. Just Savannah's, because Derek missed his life, his family in the BAU and simply hated hot weather. Four months later, Savannah got into car accident. The injuries were so serious, she barely survived, but lost the baby. She also found out that she would not be able to have children ever again. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Why was it that she saved countless lives but was never to create one of her own? Savannah was so deeply depressed that all she did was go to work, come home and go to bed, repeating the routine day after day, driving Derek mad. His life became a simple existence, with the only thought in his head to somehow help his wife. Years passed by in this way, during which he completely lost contact with the BAU and, eventually, Garcia. Derek just stopped calling, because he never told her about Savannah's tragedy and didn't know how to avoid questions anymore, and one day Penelope just quit insisting on keeping in touch. Their unhappy family life had come to a terrifying crescendo four years after their move.

* * *

He found them in Vegas. Just called Hotch and asked where the case was situated, simultaneously begging him not to tell anyone about his arrival to make sure it was a surprise. There was only six of them working at the case: Rossi, Hotch, JJ, Reid, Seaver (who rejoined upon Derek's leave five years ago) and Garcia. Penelope was there as well because of how complicated the case was. Hotch quickly filled him in and told that a series of bombings occurred in banks in different areas of the city, that followed first a transfer of a big sums of money and then its withdrawal from a bank account registered to the same name – William Blackmore. Obviously, the name was fake, and the main aim was to find out the real one, as well as to actually find the unsub.

When he arrived, it was almost one in the morning, so Derek drove to the hotel where the team was staying. He parked at the front and sat in the car, not sure of what to do. Did he just walk up the stairs and knocks on her door? Or did he call first? She could easily be with someone else, he couldn't just show unexpected.

Eventually, Morgan found himself knocking obsessively on the steering wheel, trying to gain some composure. He stopped in a few minutes, realizing it did not help.

It was then that he noticed a familiar figure exiting the hotel. The feeling of danger and disturbance came back, and Derek knew better than to ignore it. He got out of the car and locked it, quickly following his friend, who already took the turn into dark alley. Penelope was walking fast and the sound of her heels knocking on the ground was so loud Derek could swear it was inside his head. Suddenly, she felt something and slowed down a little bit, but decided not to stop completely and tried to hide her worry. Garcia spent years working at the BAU and if she knew anything about being followed in dark, it was that the best thing you could do in that kind of situation was not to turn around and ask the stupid 'who's there?' question.

Derek looked down for a second, just to make sure he didn't step on broken glass, and when he looked up again, she wasn't there. Cursing himself and almost dying from fear for Penelope, he ran to where she stood seconds ago. The next thing he felt was a hit on his head with something heavy, but not strong enough to knock him out.

Morgan turned around and saw Garcia, her eyes wide, with a huge piece of wood in her hand. Where did she even find it?

'Derek?' she breathed and hugged him tightly. 'Thank God it's you.'

'Hi, baby girl, what was that?' he rubbed his head, which ached horribly, and frowned.

'I'm sorry, I thought you were some sort of maniac, and you know, with our job- I mean, with the job _I_ have-' she paused and then put the wood down, 'you scared the crap out of me.'

'Didn't fourteen years at the BAU teach you not to walk alone, especially at this hour, and especially in dark alleys?' he asked with irritation, pretending not to hear the "my job" part.

'I just needed to get some aspirin at a store, so decided to take a shortcut to quickly go to bed after, because you know I always get horrible headaches after all the icky stuff I see on screen, unless I look at some cute kittens, but today…' she stopped her usual mumbling, and looked at Derek closely. 'Wait a minute. What are _you_ doing here? And why were you following me? I think it's you who needs to offer some explanation.'

Morgan sighed heavily and took her hand in his.

'I promise I will tell you everything, but right now can we please go to the hotel? Even being and ex-BAU agent, standing here in a dark alley, really creeps me out.'

Penelope smiled at Derek so warmly, that it felt like the last time the talked was yesterday, and last four years were just a bad dream.

'That's probably a wise idea, but I still need my aspirin. Walk with me to the store, baby boy, would you?'

* * *

'So how's Savannah?' asked Penelope impatiently, looking through medicine on the shelf. 'I swear I haven't talked to her for at least five years.'

'That's probably true,' simply said Derek, still avoiding questions about his wife.

Garcia noticed that and stopped what she was doing. She turned around and looked at him carefully.

'What happened to her? Is she alive?'

'Yes.'

'Is she okay?'

'Yes. Sort of-'

'Then why the hell will you not answer my questions? You seem shady and I don't like it,' she stated blatantly.

'Do you pull any punches, baby girl?' he wasn't irritated though, he kind of missed her wanting to know everything that was going on in his life. 'It's just that… Savannah and I, we've separated.'

'Oh my God, why? You were like the cutest couple! What happened?'

'A lot happened. It's a long story. Don't want to talk about it at the moment.'

He felt that Garcia wanted to insist, but she knew he wouldn't tell anything. Not like this.

'Fine. Then explain me, why are you suddenly back? Something tells me, it's not just you divorcing your wife that brought you to Vegas,' as usual, she put her finger right onto it.

'No, you are right, it wasn't,' he paused, making her turn around again, to have her full attention. 'I'm coming back to BAU.'

For a few moments there was silence, and Derek didn't know if it was a good sign. Although he knew coming back wouldn't be easy, he hoped Garcia would be the one who would support him no matter what.

'You mean for good?' she asked, and Derek tensed. He really didn't like questions about future right now.

'Can't promise you that, but I will stick around for some time.'

He could see she expected a better answer, but tried to hide it and smiled brightly anyway.

'Well, you know I love you gorgeous, and will be happy to spend as much time with you as possible. The team misses you. Especially Reid, you know how hard your leave was on him,' she rubbed his shoulder gently.

Of course he knew. He knew and felt like an idiot now for leaving them. It all appeared to be a mistake.

'I am back now and will do anything to make it up to them,' he promised seriously.

'That's good. They will appreciate it. I should probably pay for this,' she looked at the pills she took from the shelf, 'after all, he have a case to solve.'

She smiled at him again and started walking towards the cashier, when Derek suddenly had a familiar feeling. Like he couldn't stand straight, as if someone pulled the rug from under him. And then the horrible spasm in his head came back.

'Derek?' he heard Penelope's voice as if it was covered by fog. 'Are you okay?'

A few seconds, and it completely disappeared. He looked up and saw Garcia, who looked at him, fear on her face.

'What is going on? You don't look well, maybe you need to see a doctor?'

'No, it's fine. I'm just tired,' he reassured her and smiled forcefully.

'Really? We could just-'

'I said I'm fine,' there clearly was irritation in his voice, and Garcia decided not to concentrate on it. She decided to blame the divorce on it. She promised herself, however, that would force him to tell her the truth one day.

'Okay. Sure,' she said simply. 'Why don't I fill you in on what is happening with the case right now? I suspect Hotch has already approved your return and told everyone?'

'No, actually, I asked him not to tell anyone, I'm going to see them tomorrow and want it to be a surprise. Don't get me wrong. I miss them too.'

'I understand. We've all had tough time. But unlike you, while we were miserable without you, at least we had each other,' she paused and looked at him with compassion. That was another reason why he loved her, she understood him without words. 'They'll be happy to see you, don't worry about it. So, about our guy. It appears that at the bank where last explosion occurred, two women survived, and one of them said, that she saw a guy, who came into the bank and went out a few seconds before everything around exploded. Of course, he could just be the luckiest person in the world, but his description fitted the profile, which the team is going to deliver in the morning. You'll have to ask Hotch or Reid about all the details.'

'I will. Are you ready to go now?'

'Yeah, done.'

They went back to the hotel and spent two hours catching up and just laughing and enjoying each other's company. After that, Derek left for his room, because they really needed to get some sleep, as they had a long day ahead of them.

* * *

'Jason Hayes, FBI,' he said loudly, pointing his gun at the unsub, who was caught busy with assembling an explosive.

The guy turned around and looked at the agents, who surrounded him. He pointed at his "project".

'One move, and we all die,' he smirked sadistically.

'You don't want to do that,' said Derek, 'your wife already died in the first explosion, there is no need to continue this.'

'You don't understand,' hissed the unsub sickly, 'I have to do this.'

'I do understand,' repeated Morgan. He saw JJ, who quietly creeped behind the criminal and nodded, reassuring Derek that she got it. 'The first time you killed those people gave you a high feeling of euphoria, and now you feel compelled to kill again. But the truth is, it will never come back. But the guilt will. You killed 22 people, Jason. Co-operate, and we will help you. You need to get help.'

It all suddenly went still, so quiet that he could hear the clock on the wall ticking. The unsub was confused, and, taking advantage of that, JJ hit him hard on face, pushing away from the table where the explosive was. Derek was just about to run towards the guy to handcuff him, when the _feeling_ came back. He couldn't stand straight anymore and fell down, hitting the ground hard with his head. The last thing he saw was Rossi's face, and after that everything went black.

* * *

 _ **Two months ago**_

 _Derek was worried. He didn't know how this conversation was going to end, but it needed to happen. There was no way he could put this off, he just didn't have time anymore. Savannah was in the living room, filling in papers for work._

 _He sighed heavily and sat opposite her at the table._

' _We need to talk,' he said simply._

' _Can we do it later? I've got so much work to do,' she replied indifferently. And Derek was somewhat sick of it by now._

' _No, we can't. I need to say this, and you need to listen.'_

 _She looked up and saw all the seriousness on his face._

' _Fine, I'm listening.'_

 _He sighed again. This was it._

' _Savannah, I want to separate. I am just tired of this. And I know it's been hard for you too, I understand it, but you have to understand that I can't do this anymore.'_

 _She blinked a few times and frowned._

' _You can't just divorce me, after everything we've been through… Was it all for nothing? Did it mean nothing?'_

' _I'm sorry,' he didn't want to explain himself, but he knew that he had to. She deserved at least that. 'I want to go back to the BAU, back to Virginia and back to my family at the FBI.'_

' _I am your family now. And thinking that BAU is more important to you really hurts,' she said honestly. That's why Derek liked her in the first place. She never had the need to pretend. 'You can't just leave me, leave everything all of a sudden and go back to the BAU. Why did you decide that in the first place?'_

 _He looked down, simply not knowing hot deliver this kind of news to her._

' _I guess there is no easy way of saying it, so I might as well just do it,' he said, studying his hands. 'I have stage four brain tumor.'_

 _She went silent and he couldn't force himself to look up to see what she was thinking of. The tension was almost unbearable. He didn't know how much time passed – seconds or hours._

' _How long?' Savannah asked quietly._

 _He didn't reply at first. He knew she would ask it and didn't want to look vulnerable to her. He didn't want to look vulnerable to anyone for that matter._

' _Six months at most.'_

 _That's all it took. She got up, walked towards him and hugged him tightly._

' _I'll do whatever you want me to do. And I will sign divorce papers.'_

 _Savannah didn't ask any more questions. She understood. And Derek appreciated it._

* * *

He genuinely hated hospitals. They made him feel depressed and even more sick. So, the familiar white ceiling being the first thing he saw when he woke up, didn't help. How did he even get here? He couldn't remember.

'He's awake, you can talk to him now,' he heard a woman, probably a nurse, quietly say in the corridor, and the sound of her voice was followed by the clicking of heels, which meant that Garcia was entering the room.

'Hey,' she said, 'how are you feeling?'

'Like I was hit with a massive hammer on my head, I guess?' he joked, hoping she didn't know.

Penelope didn't laugh though. She only looked at him carefully, her face expressing concern and… sorrow.

'Where is everyone?' he tried to change the subject.

'JJ and Hotch are here, they let me talk to you first, everyone else is questioning the unsub,' she answered and then paused for a few seconds. 'Why didn't you tell me?' she asked quietly, with tears in her eyes. Derek felt his heart drop. He didn't want to answer that question. 'Honey, I'm so sorry-'

'See, that's why I never told you!' he exploded. 'I don't want you treat me like an invalid. That's why I didn't tell anyone but Savannah, I knew she would be the only one not to treat me like I'm already dead. I know it's selfish, but all I wanted was to spend last few months I had to live with people I love and doing what I love, what I was meant to do.'

'Putting serial killers away,' said she. 'I know. I'm sorry.'

That irritated Derek even more.

'I told you not to-'

'You don't understand. I'm sorry about what I said before. I get what you are mean, you want everything to be the way it was four years ago. To be treated like equal. I don't think it's in any way selfish. And I promise to support you and never treat you differently. I just want you to be happy.'

'Even if I refuse to take my medication?' he finally looked at her closely. Her reply right now meant the whole world to him.

She hesitated and he could see it. Few seconds later, Garcia sighed and smiled tiredly at him.

'Even if you refuse to take your medication.'

'Thank you, baby girl,' he couldn't even describe how grateful he was. Morgan hoped she would understand and the fact that she did made him the happiest person alive.

'I'm your God-given solace, remember?'

They both smiled at that.

'By the way…' Penelope started, 'how's Savannah? How's your kid? You know, I never even met him… At least tell me, what you have…'

'Savannah lost the baby when she was pregnant,' interrupted he. 'She let me divorce her because she wanted me to do whatever made me happy. She was really understanding about it.'

'That was an amazing woman you had, you know that, right?'

'I know. I just wanted her to be free.'

'I understand.'

They went silent for a minute, just looking at each other. Derek was trying to memorize her face forever, to remember it in years, even in the other world. And Penelope was trying to think of the way she was going to live after losing her best friend, her soulmate, forever. But then she decided not to think about it yet. She was going to enjoy every second they have left to spend together.

'You know, they have great coffee here. Do you want some?' she offered with a big smile.

'I'd love some. Thank you, baby girl,' he wasn't just thanking her for coffee. He was thanking her for everything. For always being there for him, accepting him even after years spent out of touch, never letting him rest from her jokes, but more importantly, to letting him make his own decisions and respecting them.

He wasn't thanking her for coffee, and Penelope knew it.

'You're always welcome, gorgeous.'

* * *

 **Three months later**

They were in their favourite bar in Washington. The whole team was celebrating another successfully closed case, with a six year old returned home safely, and the criminal put away for good.

JJ and Seaver were playing darts and laughing loudly, as Ashley was losing miserably; Rossi was talking to his daughter on his phone and Reid was giving Hotch advice on how to deal with his teenage son (not from his own experience, of course).

That left Garcia and Morgan alone, sipping their drinks and discussing her relationship with Sam. He proposed recently, and she didn't know how to let him down without ruining all the good things they had between them.

Morgan could notice growing headache, that wouldn't go away, and when it started feel like little hammers beating inside of his head, he somehow knew. How perfect and symbolic – to die, surrounded by his best friends. He dropped his glass on the floor and then fell himself.

The last thing he heard before everything went black again, was loud music and Garcia's crying. All he wanted to say was that he loved her so deeply, that couldn't even begin to describe it. But he never got a chance.

After that night, life of all members of the BAU team has changed forever. Just because of the way life is. After losing the loved one, it never comes back to the way it was before.

* * *

 **Drop a line to let me know if you enjoyed xx**


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